Just the Tip — Tips on Modern Dating
11 Tips on Modern Dating? Why 11? Because 10 doesn’t seem enough.
11 Suggestions to help you through the labyrinth that is modern dating. Why 11? Why not?
I just finished reading Sady Doyle’s article “Democrats Are Falling for the #MeToo Backlash” and have to say I agree.
It got me thinking that unless you’ve been living in a cave or been in a coma for the past couple of years, you should be more than familiar #MeToo movement. Unless you’re dense or completely devoid of decency. And I’d like to think that the majority of men in the Democratic party are neither dense nor devoid of decency. Perhaps some are a little antiquated in their thinking. In particular Joe Biden.
But, to be fair, should we expect more from a 76 year old? Yes, we should. And it’s a shame he’s so tone deaf — tone deaf not only to gender issues, but many issues.
I would’ve thought that after all of these guys got caught, maybe there would’ve been some marginal movement forward. But it seems almost as though we are regressing. While the list of these public figures who got called out for boorish behavior, at best, and criminal behavior, at worst, is far too long. It’s not just celebrities, business leaders and politicians who behave so loutishly, it’s a lot of men. Too many men. Just ask any woman.
I say to my fellow men, we need to stop that. Also, any type of #MeToo backlash is ridiculous. We need to stop that too.
So, it then begs the question, how do you navigate the dating scene? Carefully, my friends, very carefully. The rules, as much as there can or should be rules, are a little in flux. But here are 11 suggestions to help guide you through the labyrinth of dating in the #MeToo environment.
If you’re a manager and she’s not? Best don’t go there. It’s too dangerous. In today’s climate, I don’t suggest any manager dating a subordinate. Regardless of situation, circumstance, gender or sexual preference, this is the epitome of power dynamic. This is the front line and this type of situation is a powder keg that can be lit way too easily. This is what fantasies are for. If it’s a genuine attraction that neither can resist, talk about your options. Together.
Should you pick her up at her place? If you live in a major metropolitan area, this is a non-issue. You’ll likely meet at a mutually decided destination. If you live in suburbia and beyond, I’d suggest you meet out for the first few dates. On the off chance that she wants you to pick her up, do so, but do not expect anything. When, and if, she wants to invite you over, she will.
Avoid any #MeToo conversation. There is no way you won’t sound like a dummy on this topic. Avoid it. Even if you think you’re some type of highly evolved man and identify as a feminist, don’t go there. At least for the first few dates. Positioning yourself as some sort of super pro-woman guy right out of the gate would ring false and would/should raise a few flags for your date.
Flirting is fine. Flirting is expected on dates, but be careful that you don’t cross a line. You’ll want to steer clear of anything explicit. And what’s explicit is wildly subjective and too easy to misconstrue. Be careful.
Chill out a little bit. As men, it’s our nature to be hunters and gatherers. In the #MeToo world, we’ve gotta learn to take a step back. If you’ve got ants in your pants and are eager to take them off, you’re going to have to relax. Let the date unfold and see where it goes. See if it warrants a second . . . or a third. You don’t ever want to find yourself accused of something you thought was consensual.
Do you still have to pay? No. You can split things. Personally, I wouldn’t but I understand splitting is far more normal than I’m aware of. Also, I think this has less to do with #MeToo and more to do with just being a gentleman. However, just because you pay, it DOES NOT entitle you to anything. If you think because you paid, you get something for that, you’d be best to split the check. You’re never entitled to physical contact.
Do you have to ask before you kiss her? Not necessarily. Odds are strong if you’ve been paying attention to her and flirting throughout your date, the vibe will be there. Just be sure to stay sober enough for it to register. Whatever you do, don’t go getting all aggro and smashing your face into hers, locking lips and jamming your tongue in her mouth forcing her to play tonsil hockey.
If it feels wrong, stop. Ideally, you’ll be with someone who wants to be with you. Sometimes that “three date” rule kicks in and there’s some sort of pressure. Don’t let either of you succumb to the pressure. Taking the next step and moving from the dining room into the boudoir should feel right for both of you and be without pressure. If it only feels right for you, it won’t be nearly as much fun.
What if the Condom comes off during sex? STOP! First of all, let’s be clear: yes, use a condom. Now, you’d think that if it came off, stopping would be a no-brainer, but apparently, it’s not. Look, we all know condoms are kind of awful, but I think we can all agree that STD’s or an unwanted pregnancy are worse. If it happens to slip off, as sometimes happens, stop — regardless of how close either of you may be. And regardless of what is said. If you’re lucky and you have another one handy, you both get a little break and will be able to carry on after you’ve slipped your new penis tuque on. And if you don’t, well, you can probably handle the situation.
Can you take your condom off during sex? I guess this is a thing. So NO! What are you, a monster? If she asks you to and you’ve both been tested and she’s on birth control, you can maybe consider it, but DO NOT under any circumstances do this on your own. Sheesh.
She’s not a neophyte to harassment. Look, data suggests that an inordinate amount of women have to put up with an immense amount of bullshit day-to-day. If you really want to win her over, be a respite from that. A little restraint, kindness and respect is going to go a long way.
It’s still a weird time to be out and about dating. Trust me. And nothing is foolproof. Just keep in mind, this is still new territory for everyone: pay attention to what she’s saying and doing. Be present.
If you have questions or are in doubt, ask. If you play it cool enough, and you’re not a jerk, she’s going to drop enough signs and hints to let you know the way in which she wants to move forward.
And if you like each other, that’s the direction you want to be heading.
