Can We Move Past the Archaic Dating Dogmas?
I forgot to confirm a date this morning for a date that was confirmed Friday— hilarity did not ensue.
I forgot to confirm a date this morning for a date that was confirmed Friday— hilarity did not ensue.
Recently, I wrote about my frustration with dating apps and proclaimed I was done with them.
Well, I lied.
Now and again, boredom slaps me across the face and I hop on Ok Cupid and do some swiping.
In early October I matched with a woman and we texted a bit…enough for me to ask her if she wanted to meet. She couldn’t meet because she was going to Boston but said she would contact me when she got back.
Fast forward five weeks and I got a text from her.
We go back and forth a bit and agree to meet today (Sunday) for a drink around 3 pm. We trade a couple of texts Friday and as far as I’m concerned, the date is a lock.
This morning I woke up, walked the dog, and sat down with some coffee, and did some writing. Before I knew it, it was noon. I had to walk the dog again and wanted to go to the gym, so I wrapped up my writing.
I checked my phone and saw this text: “Hey since you haven’t texted me to confirm anything to confirm the date, I planned my day accordingly. Enjoy your Sunday.”
Weighing my options on what and how to reply, I just went with a simple half-truth: “I just hadn’t gotten to it yet.” The truth is that I did think about confirming, but I set it aside because the date was confirmed…less than 48 hours ago.
Here you may think (and please, insert your favorite big dumb voice here) “WELL, IF IT WERE THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU WOULDA TEXTED HER.” Maybe true but the truth is, it’s not that important to me.
If it were that important to me after only texting with someone with whom I’d never met before that might make me kinda pathetic or desperate. I’d like to consider myself neither. Being a sapiosexual, I only recalled she was smart…based on her Ok Cupid bio.
Also, why was the onus on me to confirm? Why didn’t she confirm with me? It’s 2019, not 1949.
Maybe this is one of those things where a woman wants to be chased? I don’t care who you are, no one is that clever over text to warrant chasing. Dare I say:
It’s like men and women are from different planets…like Mars and Venus…or that we speak different “love languages”.
I’ve never read any of those books but admit there may be a kernel of truth in them, but can we just get over this nonsense? At least for dating? Asking for a friend.
You wanna meet someone, meet them. It doesn’t mean you’re gonna bang them OR marry them — while I might want one more than the other, neither is a sure thing.
The woman did ask me on Friday night what I was looking for (actual photo from the text exchange):
After clarifying, she was curious to know what I was looking for in a relationship. I said I didn’t have any expectations … because I didn’t … and I don’t. This is dating through a phone application, who on earth would have any expectation beyond meeting someone who isn’t an asshole?
I don’t know, maybe I got it all wrong. I would like to think we’re a bit beyond excessive confirming and chasing nonsense. From my perspective, the date was set, and only in the event of cancellation would communication be needed. I was just looking forward to meeting a possibly nice woman for a chat. Really.
UGH!
I just concluded an exchange with a different woman who called me out for not knowing what I was looking for (see pic to the left). While that statement is 100% true I mentioned that I wasn’t “looking for a hook-up but I’m also not looking to get married in the next six months” which is also 100% true.
She replied and assured me that she knew what she was looking for “but didn’t want to get married immediately.”
WTF? Aren’t most of us just looking for something in-between a hook-up and marriage?
Of course, there is the very distinct possibility that I got it all wrong and am putting way too much thought into all of this.
I do that sometimes.
That’s it — I’m Completely Over Dating Apps.
I’ve tried them and you know what? If I have to be single for the rest of my life then I’m fine with that.medium.com