The Top Five Things Women Should Do if They Want Men to Do the Same
The last time I checked, flirting, romance, and all that “other stuff” was a two-way street.
The last time I checked, flirting, romance, and all that “other stuff” was a two-way street.
There are loads of “Top X” articles (where x = number) here on Medium and the internet. Many detail or list things men should do related to relationships and dating. Exactly why there is such a seeming discrepancy in onus on this issue has always confounded me.
However, I do freely admit that algorithms play a role in what I’m seeing. In any event, I still feel they’re marginally lopsided…if only because they suit the purpose of the following.
I have a friend who identifies as a feminist but refuses to use Bumble as a dating app (that’s the one where women make the first move). When I asked her why she said: “I think men should make the first move.” I followed with “Why?” Her reply: “I don’t know, I just do. I like it that way.”
This is not to say that being a feminist doesn’t mean you can’t have a propensity for tradition. Nothing wrong with that.
In any event, regardless of gender or sexual preference, I think we could all agree that dating is a minefield…and yes Pat Benatar, love is a battlefield. Nonetheless, a minefield on its best day. Despite what romance or self-help gurus you’re into, if anyone can provide a map to avoid the landmines, everyone benefits from that.
So with that in mind, here are five things that women may want to consider if you want men to do any of the myriad of things you want us to:
INITIATE CONTACT
BE YOURSELF
TELL US WHAT YOU WANT
BE SENSITIVE
BE HAPPY
*NOTE: This is hardly meant to be an all-inclusive or definitive list…tweak according to your own needs/wants/desires.
INITIATE CONTACT
If you are any of those dating apps and you like someone, tell them.
If you’re swiping and waiting for them to contact you — why are you doing that? Take it from me, on one end, you have someone like me who swipes left WAY more than right and rarely if ever, initiates contact. Then there’s *Ted who will swipe right on everyone and everything. Ted just wants to get laid.
The bottom line is that life is short. If you dig someone, let them know.
Hmm, maybe I should take my advice.
BE YOURSELF
For the love of all things holy, why would you pretend to be anyone else anymore?
Even on a cursory search, your digital footprint is gonna reveal a large chunk of who you are. And even if you don’t know enough to search (you don’t need much) if you spend a few hours texting, you can gather information
I recently went on a date with a woman who was lovely, nice, perky, and had a great smile. Not physically my type, but I’m pretty open to anyone.
In the course of our texting, she let slip she had a hard time making decisions (that would prove to be REALLY accurate). She also told me her favorite show was The Bachelor. We all like a certain degree of shit, without a doubt, but when your “favorite” show is The Bachelor, that’s revealing. She also said she was a “people pleaser.” But I knew all this going into the date. I went anyway.
Why? Because she was upfront about who she was. I had a lot of respect for that. On the date, she also dropped some personal things that were also telling.
While she was truly lovely and nice, I wasn’t feeling it. But she was truly who she said she was.
TELL US WHAT YOU WANT
Ladies, if you think men are ever going to read your mind…ya know what? I’m not gonna finish that. Unless you’re between 18–21, you should know that. And yet…
I can not tell you how many times I’ve had conversations about something as simple as going to eat escalate into something more.
ME: What do you want to eat?
WOMAN: I don’t care. You decide.
ME: Pizza?
WOMAN: Nah. Not in the mood.
ME: Sushi?
WOMAN: No. I’m hungrier than that.
ME: Okay then, Italian?
WOMAN: Jesus, not THAT hungry.
ME: Thai?
WOMAN: Hmm, no.
ME: McDonald’s?
WOMAN: Please.
ME: German?
WOMAN: No.
ME: Japanese?
WOMAN: Too close to sushi.
ME: Chinese?
WOMAN: No.
ME: Fusion?
WOMAN: Of what?
ME: Irish and Hungarian.
WOMAN: Is that a thing?
ME: Not at all. Listen just tell me what you want.
WOMAN: Honestly! I don’t care. YOU decide.
The boudoir can be a tricky place because our stupid male egos are so fragile. One of my best, and longest, relationships was with a woman who played with herself the first time we slept together. I was still young, so I had no clue what to make of that, but I adapted. As time went on, she proved to never be shy about either guiding me to what she was looking for or wanted or just asking.
It’s 2020 now, it’s okay for women to have wants in and out of the bedroom. Keying your partner into those things would be helpful for all involved.
And fer fucks sake, if you’re texting with someone and you’re enjoying it, consider these two things:
Taking it off the dating app chat and go to “personal” texting.
Ask THEM if they want to get a drink or coffee or whatever.
DON’T BE A DOORMAT
I promise you, no man wants that.
WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED TO DO TO BE HAPPY
You wanna make a guy happy? Do whatever the fuck you need to do to be happy. As men, we want you to be happy because your happiness is a big part of our happiness. Now the smarter of the tripods out there understand that we’re not responsible for your happiness. We contribute to it, sure, but we don’t own the rights to that.
I was once involved with a woman who was an extrovert. I’m an introvert. We’re both at the extreme ends of that continuum. I feel people may like an introvert initially during that “getting to know each other” phase but for an extreme extrovert, it can get tiresome.
Suffice it to say, it didn’t work out.
When we broke up, one reason was because of the appearance of me “not wanting to do anything.” Unfair, I just didn’t want to do everything. In any event, I said “I’m the same now as I was then” to which she replied, “Yea, well, maybe that’s the problem.”
Things are never as simple as that, but if you have needs and wants outside of your relationship that your partner doesn’t jive with, do them anyway.
If you like someone, tell them. If it’s reciprocated, great…if not, “percolate on down the avenue.” Do this without losing sight of who you are, that matters (it should anyway — if it doesn’t GTFO of whatever situation you’re in). Talk to your partner, communicate, and don’t let them walk over you. You give 110%, they take 110%…they give 110%, you take 110%…some days you’re the bird and some days you’re the statue. Above all, work towards happiness, individually and together.
Look, life is just too God damn short.
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